Does mattering matter? I lean toward being a rather individualistic, lone wolf kind of gal. I’ve gone through long stretches of share free, shameful behavioral patterns. I can remember numerous long stints of time without sharing what was truly going on in my life with family and then slowly coming to the realization that I didn’t have any friends to confide, or rather not confide in. I was living in secrecy, AKA shame.
No one knew that I was an obsessive shopaholic and a binge eater who was struggling to get right with God. I did those things because I didn’t think that it mattered, no one was checking in with me. I was leading a secret life, if no one else cared why should I? Looking back it’s so easy to wish someone had talked with me at any point during those struggles. But would I have listened?
For most people it’s important to feel like we matter to someone, anyone. A best friend, a supervisor, a significant other or maybe even an ex. I unconsciously seek validation daily, and when I receive it I DO feel amazing. Giddy even! But when I’m secretive I deprive others of my light, my joyful tendencies fade away and I don’t have the chance to feel ‘good’ in that warm, fuzzy way.
One way I try to ‘matter’ is by writing. I crave the showcase! The story I love to share the most happens to be my inner dialogue. I have always admired movies that include a narrator. Some people may argue that it’s a fool’s favorite because having a narrator can take the guess work out of the plot line, but I prefer it. The seemingly omniscient storyteller gives me the inside scoop. Alec Baldwin’s voice work in The Royal Tenenbaums comes to mind as a most excellent narrative role. He’s cerebral and dry, yet descriptive. He does not indulge us, the audience, in any surprises but delivers ‘the goods’ all the same.
I constantly narrate my life in my own head. Scribing imaginary tag lines is a common occurrence. I thought maybe when I got married I would somehow also think of Mr. Giddy’s narrations as well, much like the male/female dual narrators in Election or perhaps Goodfellas, but that hasn’t happened yet. At this point I don’t think it will. Still a lone wolf at heart!
I know I matter. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have to remind myself of that from time to time. The smallest things can cause huge psychological shifts. There is nothing like having a client exclaim ‘great workout!’ or a Facebook friend sending me a message to clamor their enjoyment of Guaranteed Giddy. A single positive action can absolutely turn around someone’s day. That is why I send snail mail surprises! I imagine a smile spreading across each recipient’s face as they pull out a handwritten note from their mailbox at the end of a long day.
Life is good. Actually, life is GIDDY! Instead of a secret life, I now participate in #thegiddylife and am thrilled to share my musings with you. Life is long, but even if life were short there is no time to hide your light.
What experiences in your life have filled you with elation? That allow you to feel like and realize that you matter?
Is it recognizing that people rely on you? Being awarded? Maybe becoming a parent or caregiver?
Please share why you know you matter in the comments section. Share your light!