Personal development sometimes gets a bad rap as being selfish or even useless. But is putting yourself first or seeking positive change a waste of time? Well, no. Even if full blown success isn’t the outcome we can learn lessons from trying new things and making ourselves a priority.
But sometimes experiencing shame wins over seeking help. Which is the heavyweight champion in your title fight? The term shame often elicits a negative response, but all of us have likely experienced it. Yes, all of us! Shameful behavior is more powerful than feeling guilty about a single (or even multiple) instance(s). It’s more of a feeling of unworthiness and the idea that we, at our core, are ‘bad’.
Shame can propel you toward self improvement or leave you dwelling in past ‘failures’.
When we constantly give in to shame our self esteem suffers, and I mean suffers. It comes back to people feeling that there is something truly wrong with them rather than just feeling bad about certain experiences. People can overcome failures but when, deep down, shame settles in individuals start to believe there is something is inherently terrible about them. Individuals who live in poor self esteem believe that they don’t deserve quality relationships, have a fulfilling career or even get out of bed in the morning.
“Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence and judgement.” -Brene Brown
I couldn’t write about shame and not mention the queen of personal development and self proclaimed ‘shame researcher’ Brene Brown! She’s right (of course she is), shame wants to be kept in secret because that is where it thrives. Damn that cloak of secrecy! Silencing your concerns and voice is always the enemy of forward thinking. And judgement-self judgement-is what again batters our self esteem.
But we can’t let shame win.
Otherwise we’ll be drowning in shame FOREVER. Seeking help is always a possibility. For you. For anyone. Professional help doesn’t have to cost a million dollars, leave you feeling embarrassed or take years.
Consider talking to your journal first and then move on to a friend who would be a solid accountability partner, a trusted mentor, a therapist, a pastor or maybe even a life coach.
So I have to ask…is there something in your life that isn’t adding up? A feeling that you just can’t let go of that you wish were different? If sense shame in any degree what do you think is holding you back from seeking help?
This is an open forum (always has been, always will be) to share your truth. Especially if it’s ‘ugly’. You can also email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org
Speaking of talking with a life coach, there is still a chance to work with me for free!
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