Today’s contributor post focuses on a Miracle Twin Announcement provided by a vivacious woman I know through the yoga community, Lauren Walker. She opened up about her story of bravery and it was so moving I knew I had to share it with the Guaranteed Giddy audience. I don’t think I’ve ever read a more giddy pregnancy announcement! Please enjoy this contributor blogpost from Lauren Walker.
We prayed for 953 days…
1000’s of tears
1 corrective surgery
4 clomid/letrozole attempts
2 IVF rounds
3 failed transfers
& 1 Amazing GOD
We are overwhelmed with joy to finally announce that we are expecting boy/girl TWINS! Duke and Diana Walker are due in August of this year.
We thought about how to announce our two miracles to the world. Everything we could think of fell short of doing them justice. Doing ourselves justice, for every trial and tribulation we have been through these past years. Taking out these needles by the handful to take this photograph was surreal. Half way through my hands started to quiver, my breath got short, and I had to stop. I sat down, looked at it and started to cry. Not because I was sad about what it took to get here, but because it was a representation of my world, our world, for the past over two and a half years staring back at me.
There was a lot of pain, hope and fear behind each of these needles. Each one represents a different day, path and emotion. It’s a lot to take in. After a good cry, the more I looked at massive pile, the more the needles started to blur together. Now all I see are these tiny onesies with text that so perfectly sum up our journey ‘worth the wait’ ‘and wait, and wait, and wait’.
The hardest part of this journey wasn’t having to do IVF. Getting to that fork in the road is heartbreaking and difficult for anyone, but it was not my darkest hour. My darkest hour was going through an entire cycle and losing embryo after embryo; five in total. Coming so far only to miscarry. Getting to where all the hope, the money, all of what could have been… it was all gone. The End. ‘We are so sorry Mrs. Walker, but your last attempt was unsuccessful…’ I remember that day. It was two days before Christmas 2015.
I thought I was in a dream. Or maybe a silent nightmare. Feeling broken and empty physically, emotionally, and above all, spiritually. I remember nights clutching my shattered heart and empty belly and crying… no, screaming out to God asking him ‘Why? What’s wrong with me? What more do you want from me? I’ve done everything.’ My faith was tested every single time. But my heart told me to keep going and not give up or give in. Some days I look back and I can’t believe I made it.
No, I don’t mean that as in ‘I finally got pregnant’. I mean, I MADE it. I’m stronger. It didn’t break me. The prize is not the twins. The prize is discovering new found faith. The GIFT is these twins. I didn’t know I was capable of such strength and fight. I do know it was my husband Garyt’s support and the holy spirit holding my hand every step of the way. Friends and family were there to cheer us on, helping me climb this Goliath of a mountain in front of me. Putting one foot in front of the other, most of the time feeling completely blind. The days I slipped (and oh, there were many) and thought I couldn’t go on, my husband was there to catch me and prevent me from falling. He is the most patient, wise, and steadfast person to ever walk this earth.
Garyy has truly walked every step of the way by my side. God knew exactly what he was doing when he mapped out our lives as husband and wife. I can walk into parenthood with him by my side never having to question or doubt God’s plan for us and our growing family. Trusting Him in everything. What an amazing gift and life lesson to have already learned.
They say God only gives you as much as you can handle. Well, He must think very highly of us. As painful as these few years have been, I’m honored that he chose this path for me. He has shown me the power of faith, the comfort of prayer and a strength I would have never found on my own. On top of all that, he has blessed us with not one miracle but TWO.
When I saw that first ultrasound and held their picture I remember crying.. shaking.. looking at them and saying over and over ‘Mommy loves you. Mommy loves you both so so much.’ I could barely get the words out. God chose ME to be their mother on HIS time. He chose ME to be Garyt’s wife. I feel like I’ve won the life lottery. I carry battle scars on my heart that will always remind me of what it took to receive these two precious blessings. And I would do this thousands of times over and over, again and again.
We’ve had so many people praying for us. We thank each and every one of you from the bottom of our hearts. I cannot express that enough. Even strangers on prayer chains from our friends and families. There were many setbacks and road blocks put in our path: Unresponsive trigger attempts, rescued egg retrieval, uterine septums, hyper-stimulations, drug immunities, clotting issues, etc. The way our doctor put it is ‘Yes these things are rare, but not unheard of. What’s rare is having it all happen to the same person.’ Even though it was a tough pill to swallow, it made me that much more determined. I knew all these trials were grooming me to be a mother of something mighty and fierce. Twins, no doubt!
I knew deep in my bones that light was at the end of this darkness. Even though there were days filled with doubt. We just had to keep the faith. For anyone struggling, may our story give you comfort and hope. They say ‘When you ask God for something He either says yes and gives it to you. Or he says ok and makes you wait. Or he says no, makes you wait longer, and gives you something better.’
Had he answered or prayers way back then, in 2015, we wouldn’t have these two angels on their way today. They would be different children and we would have a different life. He was making us wait for THEM. And when we hold them in our arms and kiss their tiny noses, all His plans and all our dreams will have come true.
And then I think about my devoted and steadfast husband Garyt. When you love someone so much, you want to give them the world in return. But what happens when you can’t? No matter how hard you try, how much money you spend, how much pain you’ve endured only to fail over and over again.
I would watch him play with my friends babies and wanted to give him a son or daughter of his own. It’s so much more than pouring salt in a wound, it’s an indescribable pain.
A few friends noticed his strength and pulled me aside and said ‘If this were to ever happen to me, I pray that my husband handles it like Garyt has’. Even one of my doctors said to us ‘If all my patients husbands acted like your husband, my job would be so much more tolerable during the tough months and years’.
Garyt, my husband, words cannot express how truly amazing he is. He is patient when I am not. But what’s more so is that he teaches me how to be patient. Garyt is calm and gentle in his wording. He knows how to communicate with me when it feels like when it seems everyone else is talking in rhyme. Even when he is hurting too, he is only concerned about me. Which then makes me concerned about him, thus some nights we just spend taking care of each other.
Those nights are hard, but the most special. He’s my pill reminder. My patch reminder. My personal pharmacist. He’s my shot drawer-upper and often shot provider. He’s my daily pep-talk. My motivator. He’s my reason for being so strong. He’s my husband and the father of my children. Garyt is my everything.
These babies don’t know how incredibly lucky they are to have him as a daddy. I cannot wait for this new adventure. Duke and Diana, you are already so loved. You were ‘fearfully and wonderfully made.’ (Psalms 139:14) Mommy and daddy cannot wait to hold you in our arms, for we have carried you in our hearts for a lifetime.
Contributor blogpost provided by Lauren Walker.
Lauren is a vibrant yoga instructor with a big heart who loves dressing up as Disney princesses for kid’s parties. She and her husband Garyt enjoy painting the town red, the Patriots and their golden doodle, Fenway. Take a class with Lauren at Yoga Pod The Woodlands.
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