Welcome introverts, ambiverts and extroverts alike! I’ve written about transforming from a trembling, anti social introvert to a more socially comfortable ambivert here on Guaranteed Giddy. But, to be honest with you, the holidays bring out my original introvert tendencies quite easily. So, for me (and of course for you) I want to share my learned tips on the subject, welcome to an introvert’s guide to making friends!
Why are the holidays such a tough time? Parties, forced family time, meeting people’s gifting and social expectations and so on. These kind of moments make me wish I were an extrovert and completely comfortable around others. But I know that’s not really me. I can say with my introvert to ambivert conversion I’ve learned a lot about finding friendships and I’m here to share my findings.
An Introvert’s Guide To Making Friends
Stay In Your Lane
If you’re not a joke teller or a big message kind-of-gal, don’t go there. You will likely look as awkward as you feel doing it. Be yourself, you want to make friends that you truly connect with, not with people that expect you to be a bigger than life itself extrovert on the regular. It’s kind of like when you’re really nervous on a date and you have one or two drinks too many…is that the real you you’re showing off? From personal experience I can say NOOO! Tipsy giddy gals are fun and all, but let that be a hidden gem to your shining personality, not the main event.
Stock Up Conversation Starters
According to Cathryn Blythe’s The Art of Conversation: A Guided Tour of a Neglected Pleasure the quality of your conversation is solely based on the quality of the questions you ask. I’ve learned this same sentiment in the Beautiful You life coaching certification I’m currently working on. Inquiring ‘How are you doing’ will almost always supply a boring, one worded answer. Then you’re back at square one. Choose more open ended questions that require an explanation.
Working with my coaching buddy in the Beautiful You Program, Candice of Going for Goddess, she’s suggested I come up with some ‘giddy questions’. These are go-to questions I can pull from when in a conversation lull or when the subject at hand needs a little lift. One example–‘What is good (or giddy!) in your life right now?’
Practice Makes Perfect
Just because you’re naturally introverted doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Everyone is worthy of cultivating meaningful friendships, it just may be a little harder for you to create those moments where you meet potential pals. I’ve learned that practice has helped me get better at making small talk turn into BIG talk. Some people I thought were out of my league are now good friends of mine!
To practice you have to put yourself out there. Really out there. Say ‘yes’ to as many social events as possible. Have those go-to questions ready. Try going to an event by yourself, without friends to cling to as a social crutch. This could also mean putting your phone away at events, don’t use it as a distraction when you feel awkward. You have to create new situations to make new friends. Maybe even host a get together at your house or your favorite coffee shop, ask friends to bring a pal. Grow your circle with the help of current relationships!
Make the In Person Connection First
With social media being king it’s easy to add ‘friends’ online even after the most insignificant in person connections. Don’t be hasty with adding or following others after just a ‘hello’. I say become better acquainted online after you’ve had those quality face to face interactions first. Maybe you find out you both love yoga after a fifteen minute conversation at a party and know you have a follow up for adding them online.
When you do add a new friend online let yourself be known. Comment on a photo from that event if available, saying ‘It was go great to meet you’ or send a personal message bringing up something you chatted about in person (maybe set up that yoga date!) to help solidify the connection. I’ve found this is important with blogger friends, some people have a lot of connections and I want to make sure to stand out! Plus, online relationships can be easier for introverts to maneuver so use this tool to its full enjoyment!
Okay, how are you feeling? Can you do this?
I’ve got your answer for you.
Introvert or not, friends make the holidays so much more fun. Have at it! I hope this guide helps you cultivate a fresh friendship this holiday season. Nothing makes me smile more than when people can’t imagine me as an introvert. Shout out all all those evolving AND the introverts who love Guaranteed Giddy! You are all worthy of quality relationships!